The Two Main Causes of Crime in Chicago

Warm weather and guns, a deadly combination?

Every year we hear about the two things that cause the most crime in Chicago. You might think gangs would the main source of crime in a city riddled with them. You might think it was the drug problems, the understaffed police departments, or the poor management by city officials. Well, according to King Daley and the Court Jester Jody Weis, there are two main problems.

Warm weather, and guns.

Yes, that's right folks, the combination of warm weather and guns is what's causing all of these murders, not the drugged up gang bangers on every corner. Not the Daley administration's fear of actually tackling crime. Remember, Daley can blame guns because guns don't kill people. Daley can't blame gang bangers because THEY DO KILL PEOPLE.

So, how do we solve the crime problem in a manner that Daley would approve of? Let's pass another do-nothing law! Why don't we ban nice weather? It should be just as effective as the handgun ban, thereby ending all crime in Chicago!

PROBLEM SOLVED